i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
