The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize