You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
