i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
