in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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