watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
