White coat. Heels.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
