your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
