bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize