Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize