broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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