I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The air was thick with penises
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
