didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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