If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
