what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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