quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
