in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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