My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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