She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
