Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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