38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
