You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the day after is always just damage control
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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