So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
