Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
