There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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