I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
