We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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