Where did you get a picture of my penis
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Holy shit dude........stairs
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
