She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
