I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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