The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
