Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
