And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
