if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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