"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize