Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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