My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
