took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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