Your face is a jimmy john
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
