There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
