I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
