: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
there is glitter all over my balls
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