forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
