THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
