You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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