I must be too annoying 4 u.
Can i not drive my cunt home
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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