Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
