When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize