why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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