Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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