I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
