That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
