i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this is an emotional support booty call
where are my eyebrows?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
