I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize