So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
