So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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