i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
