Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet

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(815): View more from Illinois

i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So squirting runs in the family.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...

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(517): View more from Michigan

I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.

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