Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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