Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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