i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think your dad took our porno
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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