is your mom at the bar?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
