my shit smells like andre
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize