Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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