moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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