Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
