I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
